From Victim to Victor

“Ugh, I’m bored…

Actually, I’m unhappy…

I’d be happier with___...

I don’t have that because…

It’s all their fault.

Now I’m angry.

Omg I’m so frustrated.

I think I’ll go yell at a store manager.”

Whooooooo! That went ironically way too far (and hopefully got a chuckle at the end.) But let’s pause for a minute, because baby versions of this scenario are enacted in our minds every day! It’s true—not a day goes by that we don’t have the opportunity to play the victim.

BUT, we also have an equal opportunity to play the victor.

When we learn to see boredom (not our circumstances) as the enemy we can begin to address the root of victim mode and hijack that train before it runs us straight to Angerville. Back when I was in AA (not for everyone, but they have some great practices) we would tell all “new” people they had to make coffee/set up tables/greet people/etc because getting involved with service work has the dual benefit of helping others, while busying the body. It’s true that there’s no time to complain when you’re engaged in manual labor (rehabs use this technique too) but it has the added benefit of helping the community. How can you feel bad for yourself when you are surrounded by others who truly care about you?

But it is work, and the ego does NOT like this. It wants immediate relief. It wants…..Attention! Don’t stop reading now—This is the good part. Many of us deal with childhood trauma from abuse or neglect; a person who didn’t get enough attention as a child (a real human NEED) will seek it out in adulthood if they haven’t dealt with the trauma. But attention seeking behavior is a set-up for failure as far as our ego is concerned. Our subconscious has formed a pattern of NOT getting attention, so when our efforts at gaining it are snubbed and ignored, or we don’t get the response we want, it reinforces our anger.

IT REINFORCES VICTIMHOOD!

I used to fall into this trap until I put real effort into Sacred Not Sorry and my identity as a community leader (definitely not a victim role!) So take the spotlight off of yourself and your perceived lack. Shine it on someone else—I’m sure you know someone who could use a positive text or call. You probably know of dozens of organizations that could truly benefit from your energy. Think about the people you’re attracted to. Think about the energy they project. Chances are, they aren’t angry or bored. Chances are they draw attention to others and away from themselves—they empower other women and are quick to hype someone who’s giving it their all! Model them. Happiness is other people, and there are enough of them out there to honor and uplift that you’ll never be bored again.